So many things...the Lord has been teaching me so so many things.
One of my favorite verses/passages is John 15, when John writes about the joy of abiding in the Lord. I just love that idea of resting in the Lord. Really, what other choice do I have, to fight against His will or to assist Him in accomplishing it in my life - no! But then somehow (flesh nature) I got too comfortable. Not the Paul kind of contentment that is to be emulated in Phil 4:11-13, but the kind where I forgot about verse thirteen - to rely on the Lord who is continuously strengthening me in all things.
Another thing I forgot about was the devil. I have known the Lord since I was almost five! And I love Him, and I love serving Him, and I know that "greater is He that is in me, then he that is in the world" (1 John 4:4). But, I moved and I was lonely and I was tired, and I doubted Him that was in me and really started relying on my own strength. Then, Satan saw my weakness, because he knows us, and he attacked. It hurt, and it was hard! It became so much more difficult for me to find joy in the Lord and to take Him at His Word - to be the God that He has said He is and that He has always been. I was so distraught, because I thought that I was too smart to fall for any of Satan’s lies; I started to question things that had always been my greatest confidence.
I cried out to the Lord, but felt like He couldn't hear me. I felt faint and weak and literally wouldn't be encouraged. Thankfully, God is so so gracious and patient! He is good and He is faithful. So, I searched and scoured the Word, begging the Lord for a solace for my soul. I looked to David, the man after God's own heart, who wept before the Lord - to feel His presence (Ps. 42, PS. 139...). Also, Peter. He walked on water and doubted, he was the leader of the apostolic church and he denied the Lord three times. 1 Peter has such an encouragement to me throughout the past few months. For it is faith that endures to the end that saves: Jude 22-24, Hebrews 10:22-23.
In light of all of this, I must gird myself with the armor of God! Ephesians 6 is so specific about the attacks of the devil and the offense that the believers must take against him. My husband so wisely reminded me that Eve, created in moral perfection, fell for the lies of Satan; who am I to think that I am above such temptation (for even Christ was tempted), and I am one full of my fleshly nature, equipped with pride, selfishness, covetousness…!
So, Eph 4:10-17
- Be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might – I must continuously rely on the strength of Lord with which His power strengthens me!
- I battle not against flesh and blood, but against the devil, powers and hosts of wickedness… keep in mind Rom. 8:31 “if God be for us, who can be against us”!!
- Gird my waist with truth: without the knowledge of truth, deceit and lies are just a continuous pattern of life, because our hearts are desperately wicked.
- Put on the breastplate of righteousness: salvation, the blood of the Son, His righteousness in my stead!
- Feet shod with the Gospel of peace: the confidence/foundation that my peace is in Christ
- Above ALL the shield of faith which with to quench the fiery darts: those doubt and danger darts – only faith in God to be Who He says He is can satisfy such attacks! This is so crucial, for it is by faith I am saved, and faith that endures to the end!
- Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit: this is the assurance of our salvation, which is certainly under Satan’s attack. And, the Word of God, which is our weapon of revelation, peace, truth, and sharper than any two-edged sword.
With this confidence I stand, humbled.