2) The Blessing of Loving My Children

To me, one of the weirdest things in the world is that I'm a mom. CRAZY! I have been a mom for almost 5 months - i guess for much longer if I count my pregnancy! This has definitely been the most difficult and amazingly awesome and very sanctifying time of my life! I'm tired and busy and ridiculously happy; I'm in love with my little family - big time! Robert and I are always saying to each other, "Can you believe we're parents? We have a baby!"

This was a great chapter! So again, looking to God's Word and Titus 2, women are instructed to love their children. Just like with our husbands, this is phileo: it is not just my job as a mother to fulfill my responsibilities, but to take great pleasure in my children. I so want to be one of those super fun moms, not who talk incessantly about their kids as if the earth was lucky to have them, but who thoroughly LOVES mommyhood and little laughs and crafts and carpools and game night and forts and feels the immense blessing of children every day! Thankfully, that is all part of my role as a godly mom, and I am excited to try and fulfill it with God's help and to His glory.

There is nothing in my life that has required greater sacrifice than being Maggie's mom. I say that with the utmost humility and the great realization that I fail so often. And she is just a baby; I just have one baby! I hear the actual hard stuff is yet to come, plus adding future kids into the mix (exciting and terrifying!). Carolyn Mahaney writes, "Because mothering requires constant sacrifice, the temptations to resentment, complaining, and self-pity are always close at hand. But such selfishness will quickly sap the strength of our love for our children." I've seen this be true in my life multiple times throughout these last few months. When Maggie doesn't nap all day and I have no idea what I'm doing; is she eating enough, did I do the right thing by going in to her or letting her cry it out, and I haven't slept...and it gets really easy to fall into sin. These are the times that I need to remember that fighting my own sin is the key to loving my children and serving my family! Remember, "Our speech and actions are shaped by our thoughts." On hard days, the motivation behind loving Maggie needs to be the promotion of the gospel. Which is why it is so awesome that "we can draw from God's grace and receive His help to cheerfully lay down our lives for our children," because I am definitely inept on my own.

As I read this chapter I was overwhelmed and convicted. I suddenly knew Maggie was going to grow up - soon - before I was ready for her to... and the next few nights of waking up to feed her in the wee morning hours were a joy. Then I got over it and fell back into my sin. No, I'm just kidding, but seriously - sin, selfishness, self-pity, these things will be a constant temptation that I must be fleeing and actively fighting against as a mommy/as a human being. My life is Christ's, and He has called me to be a wife and a mother - so now, more than ever, my body is not my own, my time, my talents, my everything is about serving this amazing family with which the Lord has blessed me. And I'm so excited to do so!

Knowing that Maggie's exposure to the gospel and most everything else in life starts with me, during the in and outs of daily life is a huge responsibility! I am grateful and humbled by this, God's calling for my life. J.C. Ryle urges mothers to ask this question before everything they do, "How will this affect their souls?" No one will have a greater influence in Maggie's life, most likely. Carolyn Mahaney shares some thoughts from another mother:

"I seldom feel like much of an adventurere - standing in this kitchen, pouring cereal into bowls, refilling them, handing out paper towels when the inevitable cry comes: 'Uh oh, I spilled.' But sometimes at night the thought will strike me: There are three small people here, breathing sweetly in their beds, whose lives are for the moment in our hands. I might as well be at the controls of a moon shot, the mission is so grave and vast." (emphasis mine)

So, as I get a little emotional and close out this rather lengthy post...Carolyn Mahaney writes, "What greater privilege could we possibly have in all the world than to lead our children to the Lord? ... Though the mission is grave and vast, God's grace is greater (2 Cor 12:9)." Can I get an Amen?! I love you, Maggie Grace, and cannot wait to love you for the rest of your precious life!

A Disciples Notebook

I literally think that this is the best blog that I read! A Disciples Notebook always has encouraging and convicting and TIMELY posts. I would highly recommend reading it regularly. Can I also suggest going back to: The Way to Devotions and Stillness Before the Lord. These are excellent! What a blessing!

I really want to share this one, Completely Clean (below), though. Seriously it's so awesome to remember this truth. It's articulated by none other than the amazing C.H. Spurgeon, and it really makes my heart swell with joy and hope in the Lord!

Completely Clean
Posted by jerrywhite on Feb 3, 2011

Jesus said to him, “The one who has bathed does not need to wash, except for his feet, but is completely clean. And you are clean, but not every one of you.”
John 13:10 (ESV)

~~~

“It may encourage you to call to mind the people who were praised. They were not cherubim and seraphim, but men, and notably they were men filled with weakness. There was Peter, who a few minutes afterward was brash and presumptuous. But it is not necessary to name them one by one, for they all forsook their Master and fled in His hour of peril. Not one among them was more than a mere child in grace. They had little about them that was apostolic except their commission. They were very evidently men who had the same passions that we do, yet their Lord declared them to be clean, and clean they were.

This is nourishment for those souls who are hungering for righteousness and worrying because they feel so much of the burden of indwelling sin: cleanliness before the Lord is not destroyed by our sins and weaknesses or prevented by our inward temptations. We stand in the righteousness of Another. No amount of personal weakness, spiritual anxiety, soul conflict, or mental agony can mar our acceptance in the Beloved. We may be weak infants or wandering sheep, and for both reasons we may be very far from what we wish to be. But, as God sees us, we are viewed as washed in the blood of Jesus, and we, even we, are ‘clean every whit.’

What a forcible expression, ‘clean every whit’—every inch, from every point of view, in all respects, and to the uttermost degree! Dear friend, if you are a believer, this fact is true even for you. Do not hesitate to drink of it, for it is water out of your own well, given to you in the covenant of grace. Do not think that it is presumptuous to believe this statement, as marvelous as it is. You are dealing with a wonderful Savior, who only does wonderful things. Therefore, do not stand back on account of the greatness of the blessing, but rather believe even more readily because the message is so similar to every thing the Lord says or does.”

Charles Spurgeon

Joy In Christ’s Presence, 167-168

FYI

It's FEBRUARY!!!!

So, I am LOVING Choosing Gratitude! Robert brought it home for me last night and I read the first thirty pages...I can already tell it's going to be amazing - and so convicting! I wrote out a few quotes on 3x5 cards to put up at my desk at work, but forgot them on my night stand. I'll share them when I bring them tomorrow, hopefully!

But, on another note - John MacArthur will be speaking at Liberty University next Friday, Feb. 11! I am shocked, so excited, and bummed I won't be there. But, for those of you still in that woderful Burg, DON'T MISS IT!

Secondly, I was thinking that as I was recommending these books, I'd also like to let everyone know that if you have a ".edu" email address you can sign up on Amazon and qualify for free 2-day shipping! That is such a good deal! I am way more inclined to on-line shop when free shipping is in the mix!! (Speaking of free shipping check out this fun website - ASOS. I think the jewelry and sale section is pretty bomb!)

Lastly, I'd like to recommend another book, When Sinners Say "I Do". When Sinners Say "I Do" is about the blessed gift of marriage between two sinners - which every marriage is. Now, I'm still newly married and pretty much think Robert is the bees knees! But this book was so helpful for me in seeing the sin in my life and how that affects my marriage. It has also been key in forming a godly perspective on forgiveness and "absorbing the cost" - you have to read the book to find out all about what that means! I went through this book with Mrs. Busenitz (a wonderfully godly woman, wife of Dr. Irv Busenitz and mother of Dr. Nate Busenitz from the Master's Seminary!) after I joined HS Staff and couldn't do SemWives anymore. Our time together, coupled with Dave Harvey's wise words really cemented the importance and impact of When Sinners Say "I Do"!

Unite My Heart

“I will confess to you that over and over I am personally driven to do what I trust you may be led to do today. I look back on my life, and while I have much to thank God for, much in which to see His Spirit’s hand, yet when I feel my responsibilities and my shortcomings, my heart sinks within me. When I think of my transgressions, better known to myself than to anyone else, and remember, too, that they are not known even to me as they are to God, I feel all hope swept away and my soul left in utter despair, until I come anew to the cross and think of who it was who died there and why He died and what designs of infinite mercy are answered by His death.
It is so sweet to look up to the Crucified One again and say, ‘I have nothing but You, my Lord, no confidence but You. If you are not accepted as my substitute, I must perish; if God’s appointed Savior is not enough I have no other. But I know You are the Father’s well-beloved, and I am accepted in You. You are all I want and all I have.”
Charles Spurgeon

If you, O Lord, should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness, that you may be feared. Psalm 130:3-4 (ESV)

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O praise the One, Christ Jesus, my Savior and my Lord, who willingly paid the perfect price for my sin. O God, I want to love you more. I want to know you more. O Lord, I am in such need of you - great, daily need. You are so good and I am not.

Psalms 86:10-12, "Teach me your way, O Lord; I will walk in your truth; UNITE MY HEART TO FEAR YOUR NAME. I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart, and I will glorify Your name forever more. For great is your mercy towards me, and You have delivered my soul from the depths of Sheol."

Grace to You

"This is Grace to You. How can I help you?"

"This is Grace to You. How can I help you?"

I have said those two sentences over 500 times in the last few days - literally. John MacArthur and Phil Johnson have been doing a three part interview on the radio, "Answering the Big Questions About the Sovereignty of God," and everyone who hears the interview and calls in can receive it for free. Well that's great, of course. The interview is excellent - about God's sovereign control over absolutely everything: evil, government, salvation, nature...(Psalms 118:23, Mark 12:11) and, it is good. All things are for God's glory and our good. Everything past, present, and future has been so that the works of God might be wrought (John 9)! How awesome and amazing and marvelous!!!

Yet, I am so selfish. And after two days of madness I thought that my job was about me and how I felt instead of God sovereignly orchestrating every conversation. Everyone wants to tell me how they stumbled upon our broadcast, and I just want to say ok just let me give you the free offer... And when people ask me "How are you?" I want to say overwhelmed, busy, blah, blah, blah... And wow, what a selfish and prideful person I am; what a sinner. And I saw my fleshly desires overcoming me and so I asked my friend Hannah to pray for me to be patient and kind, to portray the character of Christ to these people on the phone. And she so graciously reminded me that our answer to how we are doing should always be: "Better than I deserve"

I am a sinner saved by grace, I am doing wwaaaaayyyy better that I deserve. The God of the universe who is working all things at all time for His glory and my good is on my side (Romans 8:31)! He is good and gracious and I have so many opportunities to display His character and grace in my life. Praise God from whom all blessings flow and how blessed we are!

Grace That Is Greater Than All Our Sins

"When I think about the Lord, how He saved me, how He raised me...it makes me want to SHOUT! Hallelujah!" (shout out LU, Sounds, full-scholarships, and clothing stipend!)

Thinking on the Lord, and the work that He has done and is continuously doing in my life, though, does make me want to shout, "Hallelujah! Thank you, Jesus! Lord you're worthy...!"

I have been reading and thinking about how great the Lord is and how terrible I truly am. Paul writes in 1 Timothy 1:14-16, "And the grace of our Lord was exceedingly abundant, with faith and love which are in Christ Jesus. This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief. However, for this reason I obtained mercy, that in me first Jesus Christ might show all longsuffering, as a pattern to those who are going to believe on Him for everlasting life."

In the past, as I have considered this verse, I always thought that Paul was referring to his previous iniquities and the persecuting of the believers in the early church. But, I was wrong. Paul was referring to the deceitfulness he could see in his own heart. He could not imagine that someone else could be as proud, self-righteous, selfish...fill in the blank, whatever the sins of the heart are. And, I, too, am just beginning to see that in my own life. How could one be as prideful and self-interested as me. On the outside, I seem nice enough, sure. But all my righteousness is as a filthy rag (Isaiah 64:6). My actions, my words, my thoughts, and even my motives are in constant need of God's grace and forgiveness.

But, praise be to God for His unspeakable glory and grace. The Bible teaches that my sin has been entirely paid for by the blood of Jesus Christ. Hebrews 10:14, "For by a single offering He has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified." What great news. His perfect life, shed blood, and resurrection is sufficient for my past, present, and future sin! "There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit." Romans 8:1. Truly, this is the greatest peace in the life of a believer. Every ounce of God's perfect, holy wrath was poured out on on His Son. At the same time, every act of righteousness performed by Jesus Christ stands in my stead!

The Word of God is so clear - and what a great revelation it is. Satan can attack us and tempt us to look at ourself and enter into a state of condemnation, but he can never diminish the work that Christ did on the cross. The devil tries to steal our joy and make us ineffective for the cause of Christ. Instead, conviction leads us to Christ and the cross. Focusing on His love for us changes our woes into the perfection of the saints. Surely we should not make light of our sin so that grace might abound more (Rom. 6:1). But it is imperative to recognize the forgiveness and grace that comes with knowing the Lord as Savior. Sanctification is ongoing in the life of a believer. Glory be to God, that He gives us the grace to persevere. We are closer to our salvation - future glorification - than we ever have been. To know the Lord and to be perfected by His grace is AMAZING.

Marvelous grace of our loving Lord,
Grace that exceeds our sin and our guilt!
Yonder on Calvary’s mount outpoured,
There where the blood of the Lamb was spilled.

Grace, grace, God’s grace,
Grace that will pardon and cleanse within;
Grace, grace, God’s grace,
Grace that is greater than all our sin.

Sin and despair, like the sea waves cold,
Threaten the soul with infinite loss;
Grace that is greater, yes, grace untold,
Points to the refuge, the mighty cross.

Dark is the stain that we cannot hide.
What can avail to wash it away?
Look! There is flowing a crimson tide,
Brighter than snow you may be today.

Marvelous, infinite, matchless grace,
Freely bestowed on all who believe!
You that are longing to see His face,
Will you this moment His grace receive?

Grace, grace, God’s grace,
Grace that will pardon and cleanse within;
Grace, grace, God’s grace,
Grace that is greater than all our sin.

With this confidence...

So many things...the Lord has been teaching me so so many things.

One of my favorite verses/passages is John 15, when John writes about the joy of abiding in the Lord. I just love that idea of resting in the Lord. Really, what other choice do I have, to fight against His will or to assist Him in accomplishing it in my life - no! But then somehow (flesh nature) I got too comfortable. Not the Paul kind of contentment that is to be emulated in Phil 4:11-13, but the kind where I forgot about verse thirteen - to rely on the Lord who is continuously strengthening me in all things.

Another thing I forgot about was the devil. I have known the Lord since I was almost five! And I love Him, and I love serving Him, and I know that "greater is He that is in me, then he that is in the world" (1 John 4:4). But, I moved and I was lonely and I was tired, and I doubted Him that was in me and really started relying on my own strength. Then, Satan saw my weakness, because he knows us, and he attacked. It hurt, and it was hard! It became so much more difficult for me to find joy in the Lord and to take Him at His Word - to be the God that He has said He is and that He has always been. I was so distraught, because I thought that I was too smart to fall for any of Satan’s lies; I started to question things that had always been my greatest confidence.

I cried out to the Lord, but felt like He couldn't hear me. I felt faint and weak and literally wouldn't be encouraged. Thankfully, God is so so gracious and patient! He is good and He is faithful. So, I searched and scoured the Word, begging the Lord for a solace for my soul. I looked to David, the man after God's own heart, who wept before the Lord - to feel His presence (Ps. 42, PS. 139...). Also, Peter. He walked on water and doubted, he was the leader of the apostolic church and he denied the Lord three times. 1 Peter has such an encouragement to me throughout the past few months. For it is faith that endures to the end that saves: Jude 22-24, Hebrews 10:22-23.

In light of all of this, I must gird myself with the armor of God! Ephesians 6 is so specific about the attacks of the devil and the offense that the believers must take against him. My husband so wisely reminded me that Eve, created in moral perfection, fell for the lies of Satan; who am I to think that I am above such temptation (for even Christ was tempted), and I am one full of my fleshly nature, equipped with pride, selfishness, covetousness…!

So, Eph 4:10-17
- Be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might – I must continuously rely on the strength of Lord with which His power strengthens me!
- I battle not against flesh and blood, but against the devil, powers and hosts of wickedness… keep in mind Rom. 8:31 “if God be for us, who can be against us”!!
- Gird my waist with truth: without the knowledge of truth, deceit and lies are just a continuous pattern of life, because our hearts are desperately wicked.
- Put on the breastplate of righteousness: salvation, the blood of the Son, His righteousness in my stead!
- Feet shod with the Gospel of peace: the confidence/foundation that my peace is in Christ
- Above ALL the shield of faith which with to quench the fiery darts: those doubt and danger darts – only faith in God to be Who He says He is can satisfy such attacks! This is so crucial, for it is by faith I am saved, and faith that endures to the end!
- Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit: this is the assurance of our salvation, which is certainly under Satan’s attack. And, the Word of God, which is our weapon of revelation, peace, truth, and sharper than any two-edged sword.

With this confidence I stand, humbled.